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Accepting your
own Limitations
Marriage and Relationship Counseling
Accepting your own limitations -
Is your relationship worth saving? While most people will have an
opinion about whether you and your partner should stay together,
ultimately, the answer to that question is an intensely personal
decision that only you can answer. Ultimately, you will have to live
with the consequences. With that being said, there are some general
guidelines as to when a relationship is not worth saving.
- Your partner wants to end the
relationship. No matter how much potential you see in
the relationship, or how much you love your partner, you can not
‘fix’ the relationship without him/her. Relationships take two
people.
When this is the scenario, we strongly encourage you to let go.
Prior to letting go, it may be to your benefit to have one last
conversation with your partner where you state your perspective. In
some situation you might be able to 'win' him/her over. However, be
careful. Too much persuasion on your end runs the risk of putting
yourself in an overly compromised situation. If you have to beg to
get your partner to take you back, then you may be over-giving, and
your partner over-taking. This could result in your partner acting
selfishly, not because she/he is a bad person, but rather because
you over gave. Balance in a relationship also means boundaries. When
someone you love is not treating you well, step back and observe how
you feel. Explore within yourself why you want to spend time with
someone who is not treating you well. Does it really feel good? Or
are you simply wanting them out of force of habit? Or memories of
what used to be?
- Your partner is emotionally,
sexually or physically violent towards you, and /or your child.
Extreme situations such as violent rapes or broken bones are
easier to recognize. To report abuse, contact the police 911. If you
are unsure if you meet the criteria of an ‘abuse victim’ or if you
are scared, professional help is available.
The Domestic Violence Hotline
http://www.ndvh.org 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) and / or a rape
hotline.
Women Against Rape http://www.woar.org
(215) 985 – 3333
Most people who are living with an abuser or lived with an abusive
person benefit from the support of a therapist. No one should go
through this alone.
Sometimes, motivated partners are able to
change. It is rare for partners to change without a lot of
help.
Resources for the
Abuser
- Sexual abusers in Philadelphia who want help can contact: Joseph
J. Peters http://www.jjp.org (215)
701-1560
- Physical abusers who want help can contact: The Center for
Family Services
http://www.centerffs.org : (856) 964-7378
Written by "Alex" Caroline Robboy, CAS, MSW,
ACSW, LCSW |