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Anal Sex / Anal Stimulation
Therapy in Philadelphia
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Anal Sex &
Anal Stimulation, written by "Alex" Caroline Robboy, CAS, MSW, ACSW, LCSW
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101 Anal
Sex Guide, written by "Alex" Caroline
Robboy, CAS, MSW, ACSW, LCSW
Anal Sex / Anal Stimulation
Tips and tricks on anal sex and anal
stimulation: throughout the world, there are many taboos against anal
stimulation. Yet, despite the sexual taboos, the sexual practice continues.
Depending upon which static you read, 20%-50% of the population has dabbled in
anal stimulation / anal sex.
The most common reasons
people report they engage in anal stimulation is because it feels good, they
were curious or they wanted to please their partner.
From a biological perspective, the anus
is rich with nerve endings. These nerve endings are interconnected with the main
pelvic muscles. During orgasm, the pelvic muscles rhythmically contract. When
first experimenting with anal stimulation, many people report feeling pain. Once
relaxation techniques are applied, the pain might dissipate and turn into
pleasure. Please note, not everyone will like anal sex / anal stimulation. Each
person is an individual with his or her own unique likes and dislikes.
Relaxation Techniques
for the person receiving anal sex / anal stimulation:
- Relax your anal muscles. The best
way to learn how to relax your anal muscles is by trying to tighten them.
Clamp down on your anal muscles as hard as you can, and hold for 2 minutes.
Then stop. By default your anus is relaxed. Once you have identified
relaxed anal muscles, try relaxing them without first tightening them.
- Visualize positive sensations.
- Remind yourself that you are
engaging in anal play by choice. Your partner wants to please you. She/he is
having fun exploring your body and your reactions.
- Slow your whole body down by taking
deep slow breaths.
Other tips and tricks
for the person receiving anal stimulation / anal sex:
- Urinate and defecate before
engaging in sex play
- Clean yourself well before engaging
in sex play. That way you will feel clean.
- Diet plays a major role in anal
stimulation enjoyment. Those who have regular poops are more able to enjoy
it. Thus, eat lots of leafy green vegetables, and fibrous foods. Foods
that are highly processed are more likely to make you constipated.
Techniques for the
person giving anal sex / anal stimulation:
- Talk your partner through the
breathing exercises (see above descriptions). Make sure you tell your
partner that there are no time pressures. The goal is to only move forward
when both people are ready.
- You can tell when your partner has
relaxed his / her anal muscles because they will feel relaxed. From a
technical perspective, there are two muscle rings surrounding the anal
opening, otherwise known as the sphincters. One sphincter is voluntarily
controlled by the central nervous system and the other is controlled by the
central nervous system. The external sphincter is the one that you can
learn to relax. The internal one is automatic, much like blinking your
eyes. To locate the sphincters, put your finger inside the anus and insert
it a half an inch. On walls, you should be able to feel the two different
muscles. They are located closely together.
- Talk dirty / sexy. Use positive
images. Distract your partner’s brain from focusing on the ‘dirty’ parts of
anal play, such as the fact that you will get poop on your fingers. Use
language to direct your partner’s mind to visualize his/her mind on the
sensations.
- Tell your partner that it is OK if
they feel the need to poop. Your goal is to help them relax into the new
sensations. If your partner is so worried about the full feeling, they may
tighten up and have difficulty relaxing.
- As you move closer to the anus, ask
your partner if it feels OK? Ask for permission to keep going. Sometimes
partners need an extra few minutes to catch his or her breath.
- To penetrate the anus, start with a
small finger. Cut your fingernails. You do not want to tear the lining of
the anus. Use a lot of lubricant. There is no such thing as too much
lubricant. Use a steady slow touch. Insert your finger straight. Pull out
slowly. Repeat.
- Go slowly. As you move about, tell
your partner what you are about to do, so that he/she is mentally prepared.
- Ask your partner to practice
tightening and relaxing his/her anal muscles. Continue using one finger.
- Move your finger in a slow circle
inside the anus. Again, ask your partner for feedback. What type of touch
feels most pleasurable to him/her?
- In the beginning five minutes of
anal stimulation may be more than sufficient. Getting comfortable with anal
stimulation / anal sex may take weeks or even months. Sometimes a person
never does. Each of us are unique and experience things differently.
Your job is simply to get to know your partner better and to help him/her
get the most out of sex.
- Once you are able to use one finger
on five different occasions, try two fingers.
- Before engaging in anal sex, make
sure you help ‘warm up’ your partner’s anus be using your fingers first.
- Upon initial penetration, we
recommend doggy style. The person receiving anal sex can then be in control
of the speed of penetration.
- Anal sex can be pleasurable either
from the mental perspective or the physical perspectives. Ask your partner
how they view it. Then get creative and build upon whatever their answers
are. For example, if your partner is aroused from the dirtiness of anal
sex, how can you create a dirtier image? In contrast, if your partner is
disgusted by the dirtiness of anal sex, but truly enjoys the sensations, how
can you help your partner focus on just the sensations?
General Guidelines for
engaging in anal play / anal sex:
- To minimize the risk of infection
from bacteria from defecation, always wash your hands / genitals with soap
before engaging in penile-vaginal, or hand-vaginal stimulation, hand-penile
stimulation.
- Communication is key. If you are
struggling with communication, we strongly encourage
the following exercise
- Use lots of lubrication.
- Use condoms.
- Test for sexually transmitted
infections.
- Just because something is liked one
day, does not mean that the person is going to enjoy it the next day. Always
check in with your partner.
Written by "Alex" Caroline
Robboy, CAS, ACSW, LCSW
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