Directions to our office
located on 6th and Locust St.
The Center for Growth, Inc.
also known as
Sex Therapy in Philadelphia
233 S. 6th Street, Suite C-33
Philadelphia PA 19106
New Clients (267) 324 - 9564
Existing Clients (215) 922-5683
Fax (215) 922-6302
Seduction
in Philadelphiawritten by : "Alex" Caroline Robboy, CAS, MSW, LCSW
Good sex is frequently determined within the first few minutes even before the act. Yet, the topic of mood and atmosphere is not often deemed worthy enough warrant a discussion. Thus, in the stereotypic world, where men are supposed to initiate the process of seduction, one must wonder, how do they learn? What should they do, what happens when some men do not like the role of instigator, or feel uncomfortable with a woman's initiation, or are just plain confused. Getting the ball rolling is not always such an easy task.
This brings us to the next question, what exactly is meant by, seduction, initiation, and getting the ball rolling? Seduction, often conjures up bad connotations. Does seduction refer to a man telling a woman everything he thinks she wants to hear for the sole purpose of sex? This form of seduction could hurt. The word initiation might refer to a person trying to make the first contact. Lastly, getting the ball rolling may speak to the setting of boundaries. Interestingly, all these terms box men in. Women want honesty, yet complain when things are too direct, they want romance. They do value having the stage set, the process of wanting him, in other words seduction - which brings us back to square one. It almost seems like a vicious cycle!
According to Dr. Zilbergeld, one way around this difficult situation is to think of this beginning process more of as an invitation. Invitations are something that most people are quite comfortable. Imagine how you ask others to join you for a walk, a bike ride, the movies, breakfast, shopping, or even just a conversation. An invitation sounds nice to most people. Most people enjoy being asked to participate in something? An invitation implies that the other person has the option to accept or decline. This is something that is fun for both people. In this situation, neither person has more control over the other person's action. Imagine a scene, where you are being cajoled into accepting an invitation to breakfast, shopping, the movies. Don't you enjoy having your partner sweeten the deal by describing in great depth, the most scrumptious waffle that this café serves, or how it is really a favor that they are doing for you by extending the invitation to this most luscious meal or even how it is so critical to their well-being, that you attend, and to prove it, they will pay. In these instances, there are often few dire consequences to either person if the invitation is rejected. How many women have you ever heard about being tide up and brought out to an elegant dinner, or shot to death because they were not in the mood to go to the movies? Yet, when it comes to sex, everything changes. Invitations turn to power & control problems. Communication stops.
According to Dr. Zilbergeld there are three important aspects to sexual initiation, or in this case sexual invitations:
"Willingness to extend an offer of something exciting to come: the actual invitation or seduction"
"Willingness to be rejected"
"Building of arousal"
The key aspect of extending an offer of something exciting to come: the actual invitation or seduction is to illicit desire, excitement and arousal, yet there is no one correct way to invite. Everyone reacts slightly differently. What turns one person on, may turn the next person off. People are all different. In fact, what works one day, with the same person may fail the next day. However, even with all these unknowns, there is one helpful rule to keep in mind. Invitations are most likely accepted, when both people feel good about the relationship. In other words before trying to seduce your partner to bed, try to establish a connection with him/her. This might mean engaging in a meaningful conversation. You could do this by exploring how the person's day was, asking them how their big meeting went, appreciating the fact that they did your dishes, or simply cuddling and saying how lucky you feel to have met her/him. The most direct thing you could ever say is "would you like to make love". This is simple and direct. The enticement would come from her mind. If she is in a similar state of mind, the two of you are in luck. Remember that at all times she is free to accept or to reject. You are merely inviting her.
However, on your end, you have not done much to entice her, thus the chances of her saying 'No' are greater. To increase her desire, pay attention to your language and gesture. To increase her excitement, try the following:
To increase a woman's excitement (or man's) try the following:- Look on-line at sex toys together, or wander throughout your house looking for items that you could use as toys.
- Talk about what turns each of you on.
- Reminiscent with your partner about a sexual adventure that the two of you had that turned you on.
- Begin by massaging her hand. Bring her fingers to your mouth. Kiss the back side, then the front. Let your tongue linger. Continue massaging. Nibble on her fingertips, slowly taking her whole finger into your mouth.
- Massage her head. Play with her hair. Run your hands through her flowing hair. Slightly pull on it, as if you were putting her hair into a ponytail, massage the back of her neck as if you were making love to her.
- Rub her temples. Let your let your fingers wander over her eyebrows, down her nose, follow the ridge of her lips, slowly bend down and kiss her forehead, continue to massage her. Let her feel your longing gaze.
- As her head lays in your lap, back flat on the ground, rub your hands along the muscles directly around her clavicle bones. Massage her sore muscles, touch her outer shoulders, let your hands occasionally wander near her breasts - but avoid touching her nipples at all cost.
- Make her want you, make her feel so excited that she can not but help herself to grab your hands and place them directly on her. This is all about desire and anticipation.
- There is also simple kissing. Kissing that starts off slow and easy, which slowly builds up speed and intensity. Very few people actually complain of too much kissing. Too much mood building. Too much anticipation. Half of good sex is attitude. Remember back in the days when you had never had sex, and were kissing your first love for the first time.
Kissing was super exciting. It may have felt like the gateway to everything else. Kissing was new, and for many lasted for hours on end. The kiss signified the beginning of an adult sexual relationship. This may not have been everyone's experience, but I think it is safe to say that for most people, the first kiss ever felt memorable and exciting. Please note, while very few people ever feel like they have overdosed on kissing, there is a time and place for fast hard passionate sex - that just does not include much kissing.
Again, having just done all this 'work' to entice her, she still may say 'No'. The idea of the other person being free to accept or reject brings us to the second important aspect of sexual initiation. The willingness to be rejected and not take it personally. Sometimes, people are just not in the mood. Maybe they are stressed out from work, enjoying their TV program, looking forward to sleep, hungry or just finished masturbating and are feeling sore. Sometimes a No simply just means No, and has no reflection on the person doing the asking.
People who live in the following areas:
Abbotsford Homes, Academy Gardens, Academyville, Alden Park Manor, Allegheny West, Andorra, Ardmore, Ashton Wooden Bridge, Bartram Village, Bella Vista, Belmont, Blue Grass, Brewey Town, Broomall, Bryn Mar, Bridgeport, Byberry, Bustleton, Byberry, Caroll Park, Cedar Grove, Cedar Park, Center City, Chinatown, Chestnut Hill, Chopersville, Claymont, Cobbs Creek, Conshocken, Crestmont Farms, Chester, Devon, Drexel Hill, East Mount Airy, East Falls, Elkins Park, Elmwood, Feltonville, Fishers, Fishtown, Fitler Square, Folcroft, Francisville, Garden Court, Germantown, Girard Estate, Gladwyne, Glenside, Glen Willow, Glenside, Grays Ferry, Jenkintown, Kensington, Haverford, Lafayette Hill, Manayunk, Mafair, Mechanicsville, Merion, Mount Airy, Narberth, Old City, Olney, Overbrook, Oxford Circle, Oxford Villiage, Lansdowne, Paoli, Pennypack Woods, Pennsport, Pennyback,Phila, Philly, Philmont, Pittville, Plymouth Meeting, Point Breeze, Poplar, Port Richmond, Powelton, Queen Village, Radnor, Rhawnhurst, Rittenhouse, Roxborough, Ryers, Saint Martins, Shawmont, Schuylkill, Sharswood, Society Hill, Somerton, Somerville, Southwest Center City, Springfield, Spring Garden, Spruce Hill, Stenton, Strawberry Mansion, Summerdale, Tabor, Tacony, Tasker Homes, Tiogoa, Torresdale, Upsal, University City, Wayne, Wayne Junction, West Conshoken, West Torresdale, West Mount Airy, West Oak Lane, Wissahickon, Wissinoming, Wister, Wharton, Whitman, Woodlyn Wynnefield, Yeadon, PA, Pennslvania, Atlantic City, Audubon, Aura, Barrington , Bayonne, Bellmawr, Berlin, Beverly, Blackwood, Bon Air, Bordentown, Bristol, Burlington, Camden, Cherry Hill, Cinnaminson, Clayton, Clementon, Collingswood, Colwick, Deer Park, Deptford, Edgewater Park , Egg Harbor Township, Evesboro, Flyant, Franklinville, Freehold , Gibbsboro, Gibbstown, Glassboro, Gloucester City, Green Bank, Haddonfield, Haddon Heights, Hammonton, Hilltop, Ivywood, Jordantown, Levittown, Linwood, Lindenwold, Lumberton, Magnolia, Mantua Grove, Maple Shade, Marlton, Mays Landing, Meadowbrook, Medford Lakes, Merchantville, Moorestown, Morganvi, Mt. Ephraim, Morris, Mt. Holly, Mt. Laurel, Mount Laurel, Mullica Hill, Oak Shade, Oaklyn, Ocean City, Palmyra, Parry, Pemberton, Penns Grover, Pennsauken, Pitman, Princeton, Ramblewood, Red Lion, Riverside, Riverton, Robbinsville, Runnemede, Sewell. Springdale, Stanwick, Stratford, Swedesboro, Tavistock, Trenton, Ventor, Verga, Vorhees, Wenonah, West Berlin, West Moorestown, Westampton, Westcotville, Westville, Williamstown, Woodbury, Woodlynne, Woodlands, NJ, New Jersey, N.J., Arden, Ardentown, Amstrong, Big Oak Corners, Bear, Bellafonte, Bethal, Bethesda, Blackiston, Brickstore, Bookside, Carrcroft, Centerville, Chambersville, Cheswold, Claymont, Collins Park, Corner Ketch, Corbit, Delaware City, Dover, Eastburn Heights, Elsmere, Fairfax, Felmings Landing, Fieldsboro, Hartley, Hedgeville, Hockessin, Holloway Terrace, Kenton, Kirkwood, Keeney, Little Acre, Leipsic, Magnolia, McDonough, Middletown, Millford Crossroads, Montchanin, Newcastle, Newport, Newark, Odessa, Ommelanden Range, Pleasant Hill, Point Breeze, Porter, Port Penn, Red Lion, Rybold, Saint Georges, Seeneytown, Smyrna, Stanton, Talleyville, Thorntown, Townsend, Walker, Westover Hills, Westmoreland, Wiggins Mill, Willow Grove, Wilmington, Winterthur, White Clay, Woodside, Viola, Yorklyn, Delaware, DE.,
May benefit from our services:
individual counseling, couples counseling, couples therapy, marriage counseling, marriage therapy, family therapy, family counseling, sex therapy, grief therapy, anger management therapy, addiction counseling, couples workshops, enrichment seminars, support groups, skills building classes, classes.. Mental health therapists may be marriage and family therapists, social workers, psychologists, psychiatrists, counseling practitioners just to name a few. If you have enjoyed our self help tips, please let us know.You do not need to ever need to meet us to benefit from our collective years of wisdom in this field. Many of our ideas are written down in the form of self help tips that are free to be read by anyone on the Internet. If we are good, eventually we will have worked ourselves out of a job and you will be able to live the life you have always wanted!
Seduction Tips
Bringing your partner out of their 'sexual shell'
Putting Passion Back into your Relationship
Bringing romance back into your relationship
Mindful Sex: A Guide to Becoming Sexually Present
Sexual Self Esteem
Confidence Boost: Try a Mantra
Helping women regain equality in their relationship
Erotica & Fantasy Tips
How To Create a Sexual Fantasy
Sex Drive Topics
Putting Passion Back into your Relationship
Communication
Communication Skills CS
Sexual Communication SCS
Improving Sexual Performance
How to use touch to get the most out of sex, (Touch)
Founder of Sex Therapy
in Philadelphia
"Alex" Caroline Robboy, CAS,
ACSW, LCSW
To schedule an appointment, please call: 267 - 324 - 9564
If you live in Center City Philadelphia and the surrounding regions, including the Main Line, Montgomery County, Bucks County, Chestery County, Cherry Hill and Southern New Jersey area and want to schedule an appointment for individual therpay, couples therapy, marriage counseling, sex therapy, family therapy or play therapy call (267) 324-9564.
