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Sexual Communication Technique:
Are you and your partner good communicators in the bedroom? Complete the
following exercise, and determine the answer(s) for yourself. To do this
assignment, you will need two hours of uninterrupted time. This exercise is
progressive. In the first stage, you and your partner will be giving each other
back massages. The purpose of starting with a back massage is that lovers tend
to feel more comfortable talking about it, than they do with sex.
The first stage – a back massage:
Each type of back massage is broken down
into five minute sections. Please follow each step, and follow all the rules.
- Five minutes of touching your
partner in whatever way turns you on: for the purposes of this exercise,
it’s OK if your partner hates it. The goal is to touch your partner for
selfish reasons. The receiving partner must be completely silent.
- Five minutes of touching your
partner in whatever way you think will turn him/her on: let your past
sexual experiences with this person guide your style. The receiving partner
must be completely silent.
- Five minutes of the Moan-Groan
Game: If your partner is enjoying your style of touch, he/she needs to moan
or groan. The louder the noise, the more he/she is enjoying it. If your
partner is uncomfortable moaning or groaning, encourage your partner to moo
like a cow, or cluck like a chicken. Allow yourself to laugh. The point of
this exercise is to get comfortable using sounds as a form of
communication. If noise makes you or your partner laugh, consider yourself
lucky! A key component to having good sex is having the ability to laugh in
bed.
- Five minutes of the Movement Game:
The giver should try to please the receiver in bed. If the receiver is
enjoying the touch, then he/she should use his/her body to try to
communicate the positive reactions. For example, if the touch is too hard,
the receiver should try to shift his/her body away from the touch.
Throughout this section of the massage, the receiver must be completely
silent.
- Five minutes of guided touch: The
receiver should use her/his hands to try to guide the givers hands. For
example, if the woman is giving a hand job, the guy should take his hands
and put it over the woman’s hands to try to show her how he likes a hand
job. Again, the receiver is not allowed to user his/her voice. She/he must
be completely silent.
- Five minutes of verbal directions.
The receiver should direct the giver for the next five minutes to touch
her/him any way that feels good.
After you
have completed this exercise, switch roles. The giver becomes the receiver, and
the receiver becomes the giver.
Once each
person has had the opportunity to give and to receive, answer the following
questions
- Did you prefer being the giver or
the receiver and why?
- When did you get the best feedback?
- When was your partner most
responsive to your feedback?
- What was your partner’s favorite
type(s) of touch?
- What was your partner’s least
favorite types of touch?
Repeat this
exercise three times. The purpose of repeating this exercise three times is
because peoples likes and dislikes change depending upon their mood. By doing it
several times, you will gain a better appreciation for your partners likes and
dislikes. Furthermore, you will hone your communication skills.
Golden
Rules of this Communication Exercise:
-
If the
person gets close to orgasm, stop, and let the person ‘cool off.’
-
Wait at
least two hours after completing exercise to engage in intercourse.
-
Practice,
practice and more practice. Have fun with it.
Advanced
Stages
-
Stage
Two: repeat the exercise giving a full back massage.
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Stage
Three: repeat the exercise giving a full front massage – no nipples or
genitals.
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Stage
Four: repeat the exercise focusing on the chest. Hint: do not focus on the
nipples. 35 minutes of pure nipple stimulation will turn most people off.
-
Stage
Five: repeat the exercise focusing on manual stimulation (hand job / digital
stimulation).
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Stage
Six: repeat the exercise focusing on oral stimulation of the genitals.
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Stage
Seven: repeat the exercise while engaging in intercourse. Instead of having
a Giver / Receiver, imagine one person being in control, and the other
person being a passive recipient.
Written by
"Alex" Caroline Robboy, CAS, MSW, ACSW, LCSW
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